Divinest Sense

The Guardian waxes commonsensical about the results of a new study by psychologist Janet Shibley Hyde–it demonstrates that there are very few inherent psychological differences between men and women. The different behaviors that we tend to take on are caused mostly by cues we pick up from our environment and inequities in social structure. And boys are not better at math! Some delicious shame-on-you quotes:

A common method was to show that patterns of electro-chemistry in the body or brain were different for men and women, or that various bits of brain had different sizes. That this could be due to differences in upbringing rather than the Y chromosome was rarely considered. Yet it has been clear for some time that nurture affects biology profoundly. Several studies show that women sexually abused as children have 5% less of the brain’s hippocampal region than untraumatised women. Similar evidence regarding the effect of nurture exists for patterns of brainwaves or for crucial hormones such as cortisol.
Little coverage was given to a study of 37 nations that showed that the more a country fosters women’s financial independence, the less they are attracted by rich men. Nor have I noticed coverage of the fact that, although women tend to be twice as likely as men to suffer depression in the Anglo-Saxon (Americanised) world, that difference disappears in much of gender-equal Scandinavia.

The most emailed story in the NY Times today was this one, about Ivy League undergrads who are already planning to become stay-at-home moms. I’m not saying that this is not a valid choice for a parent to make, but the nonchalant and submissive tone of the women interviewed in the article is downright disturbing.

They have totally bought the line that you can’t be a good parent if you have a full-time job. Excuse me, but my father is a lawyer, and I didn’t get to see him that much when I was a small child because of his late hours and business trips. But do I feel alienated from him? How could I? He was an amazing parent. When he was at home, he spent his time with me and my brother, rocking us to sleep, reading to us, taking us with him to the hardware store and the library, and teaching us about the world.

But my mom was a stay-at-home mom, maybe that’s the reason I turned out so charming, intelligent, and well-adjusted. (and, might I add, good-looking.) She was a wonderful mom, this is true. And it was nice to have her around. But I was put in nursery school pretty early, and I mostly remember spending my time there, which was great fun. Even when I got home, I was *busy* - I had imaginary worlds whose stuffed-animal populations needed tending. New books from the library to devour. The family cat to antagonize. I had a schedule. I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with my mom, because she was busy too.

Sometimes my parents would go out for the night, and we’d have a babysitter. At church, there was the nursery lady (who taught me words in Spanish) and at school, there were attentive and friendly teachers. I never confused any of these people with my parents. Mom and dad are always mom and dad, even if you hardly ever see them.

The point is, it takes a village… ok, I won’t go there. But it’s true - a lot of people have a role in raising your child. And children are pretty durn smart about figuring out those roles. They’re not going to turn out all weird in the head because mom works during the day.

The ivy league women in this article seem to me like they’re from some other planet. Maybe they’re all members of the college republicans or something. Because to me, education is not about getting a “well-bred” seal of approval and meeting a future lawyer husband. Education instills a sense of longing–a growing awareness of the vastness of our world and the variety and richness of human experience. Education reminds you of how much you still don’t know, and makes your heart and mind ache to learn more. One way to keep learning is by doing - by working. By participating in society and contributing to it. If I were a mom, I’d want to pass that yearning on to my child, and show her that as many books and furry animals and dandelions as there are at home, there are infinitely more and greater things, out there, out in the world.