Divinest Sense

The most emailed story in the NY Times today was this one, about Ivy League undergrads who are already planning to become stay-at-home moms. I’m not saying that this is not a valid choice for a parent to make, but the nonchalant and submissive tone of the women interviewed in the article is downright disturbing.

They have totally bought the line that you can’t be a good parent if you have a full-time job. Excuse me, but my father is a lawyer, and I didn’t get to see him that much when I was a small child because of his late hours and business trips. But do I feel alienated from him? How could I? He was an amazing parent. When he was at home, he spent his time with me and my brother, rocking us to sleep, reading to us, taking us with him to the hardware store and the library, and teaching us about the world.

But my mom was a stay-at-home mom, maybe that’s the reason I turned out so charming, intelligent, and well-adjusted. (and, might I add, good-looking.) She was a wonderful mom, this is true. And it was nice to have her around. But I was put in nursery school pretty early, and I mostly remember spending my time there, which was great fun. Even when I got home, I was *busy* - I had imaginary worlds whose stuffed-animal populations needed tending. New books from the library to devour. The family cat to antagonize. I had a schedule. I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with my mom, because she was busy too.

Sometimes my parents would go out for the night, and we’d have a babysitter. At church, there was the nursery lady (who taught me words in Spanish) and at school, there were attentive and friendly teachers. I never confused any of these people with my parents. Mom and dad are always mom and dad, even if you hardly ever see them.

The point is, it takes a village… ok, I won’t go there. But it’s true - a lot of people have a role in raising your child. And children are pretty durn smart about figuring out those roles. They’re not going to turn out all weird in the head because mom works during the day.

The ivy league women in this article seem to me like they’re from some other planet. Maybe they’re all members of the college republicans or something. Because to me, education is not about getting a “well-bred” seal of approval and meeting a future lawyer husband. Education instills a sense of longing–a growing awareness of the vastness of our world and the variety and richness of human experience. Education reminds you of how much you still don’t know, and makes your heart and mind ache to learn more. One way to keep learning is by doing - by working. By participating in society and contributing to it. If I were a mom, I’d want to pass that yearning on to my child, and show her that as many books and furry animals and dandelions as there are at home, there are infinitely more and greater things, out there, out in the world.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 21st, 2005 at 11:21 am and is filed under Women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.