Divinest Sense

I’m watching the Sunday talk shows yesterday and Stephanopoulos is interviewing Queen Rania of Jordan about the bombing suspect that they had just captured. George asks:

“whoa, a WOMAN was going to blow herself up - is that some crazy shit or what?”

Rania: Yes, these are very bad people.

George: Yeah, but, a WOMAN?

Rania: uhhhh, I don’t follow…

George: If you had had a chance to sit down with this crazy lady for a heart-to-heart chat before the bombing took place, what would you have said to her to try to talk her out of it?

Rania: Oh, I dunno, George, I guess I would have popped “how Stella Got her Groove Back” into the VCR, got out the kleenexes and chocolates, and just, you know, talked to her, uterus to uterus, about what it means to be a slave to your own hysterics. And then we would have done each other’s nails, and then had “shopping therapy” to cure our silly anger problems. Are you effin’ kidding me? I would have buried that murdering lunatic so deep inside our darkest prison that she would have thought she’d mistakenly climbed up her own asshole. What the fuck do I look like?

OK, I may be paraphrasing a little bit, and she didn’t actually dress him down as she should have - but wouldn’t it have been great if she had? She’s a freaking ruler, not Oprah. *sigh* I’m a little down in the dumps, time for some shopping therapy!

Not to be, like, insulting to my readers and their associates, but why is everyone so naive and dimwitted? Here’s an article by the Truthout folks about a wild and crazy claim that the U.S. created the monster that is al-Zarqawi by inflating his mythos and using him to make up a nonexistent connection between Iraq and Al-Qaeda. This in turn, claims the crazy report, gave al-Zarqawi unprecented perceived power and influence. Combine this with the Jesus-ordained flattening and gassing of Iraq’s cities by our noble land, which for some reason created a motive for Iraqis to fight back. Now they knew who to call.

Um, DUHHHH, of COURSE we made this happen. Doesn’t anyone pay attention anymore? I thought this was the thing that we all knew to be true, but were just being polite and not mentioning it. I remember groaning when I read in the Post a year or more ago that al-Zarqawi was named (in a lovely red-carpet awards show, I’m sure) official leader of a new group called “Al-Qaeda in Iraq”. I turned to the person on the metro next to me and said, “I’ll bet you a hundred bucks that they spin this to sound like the group existed this whole time and we just now successfully uncovered it. Mission Accomplished!” She replied, “don’t talk to me, crazy stranger on the metro.” But I was right. And I’m still right.

When you start to give them the benefit of the doubt, you may think you’re being civil, but you’re just being retarded. Same goes for all the people who said, “aw, Roberts seems like a nice guy, he won’t be an extremist.” *Thwap thwap thwap* - don’t be an idiot!

I don’t care to be diplomatic about this stuff anymore. And neither should you. When you see stupidity, amnesia, and outright lying coming from our mass media and our president’s administration, say to as many people as will listen, “gosh, isn’t that completely UNTRUE? I seem to recall them saying exactly the OPPOSITE last week! Jeepers!” If you make sure to floss every day, wear clean clothes, and smile, they probably won’t pull out the pepper spray. It’s worth a try.